“You must retrieve the dagger” the Faery Queen says, “It holds magic from the other world. You must return it where it belongs, and restore the worlds to balance.”
At the Fall Equinox in 2020 I had an other worldly encounter during a journey with an intention to return balance between the worlds.
I determined to remember the connection to the Faery Queen and the Otherworld, and on the Fall Equinox, a time of balance, I did a conscious dream journey guided by the drum, with the intention to set things right between this world, and the world behind the world.
The Portal – September 2020
I see my guide, from the wee folk, he holds out his hand, and I place an Irish coin in it. He then smokes his pipe, and I tell him I will bring him tobacco next time. He takes me before the Faery Queen. She is tall and beautiful with her long silver and white hair. Her dress is a gossamer material glowing in white and blue light. Her staff is silver with a crystal ball a top. She takes me over to a reservoir of water illuminated by a blue and white light. A mythical blue phoenix flies around the perimeter, and across the surface, in a magical display of beauty. I stroll around the magical pool of water, and the Faery Queen tells me, “It is a portal”, and says, “Get in.” As I walk towards it to enter, I am moving deeper into the Earth, like stairs descending, and I enter it from underneath it. Just then the pool surface changes into a vortex swirling with great force in the middle. A White Lion jumps into the vortex joining me in a watery realm of blue and white light. We move through it together, traveling far across time and space until we approach a golden gateway. The White Lion enters the golden gate and turns from white into a Golden Lion in a land of sun and sand. I follow behind him and notice we are in the Middle East. I hear the voice of the Faery Queen instructing me what to do. She speaks of an imbalance that has occurred, “Magic was stolen from the otherworld, and placed in sacred objects, to use the power for selfish aims.” I see before me a man whose face is covered by a black scarf, and he holds a golden jeweled dagger in his hand.
“You must retrieve the dagger” the Faery Queen says, “It holds magic from the other world. You must return it where it belongs and restore the worlds to balance.” I approach a man with a black veil covering his face, realizing he is an Assassin. I then take on an invisible cloak, so that I may move about undetected. I walk right up to the Assassin and take the dagger from his hand and make haste to return it to the Otherworld.
Upon my return I stand before the Faery Queen, and she takes the dagger from my hand. She places it’s blade onto the Silver blade of her Sword. She then places the sword into the water of the Faery Pond, and the magic moves down the blade and into the magical pond. The Balance of magic between the Otherworld and Earthside has been restored
Heart of the White Lion June 2021, Summer Solstice
On this Summer Solstice weekend I offered a workshop on Dreamweaving your Destiny and when I pulled on my own thread of destiny, the story unfolded. As I drummed for the group, my own journey emerged and I was guided by fox to an ancient tree with an immense hollow. I entered inside where this time a Golden Faery Queen greeted me, who had just been in my dreams from the night before. In my dream, she gave me her golden robe and gossamer wings. As she stood before me now inside the journey, she reminded me of what had taken place previously in restoring balance between the worlds. The dagger had been retrieved and magical energies restored to their rightful place in the otherworld. She placed the golden robe upon me once again and the golden energy moved to encompass the entire space surrounding everyone in the circle. The Faery Queen handed me the dagger and told me it was a magical tool I could use to help heal. I was given permission to make use of it’s healing powers to help others, because of the role I had played in restoring balance and returning it back where it belonged. Just then the White Lion, who had showed up as a guide in my first journey, was now beside me once more. Only this time the portal he entered was my own heart. He jumped into my heart and I felt a tremendous surge of energy and strength. I became aware of the pain that I held in my heart from grief and loss and betrayal, and it began to slip away, no longer having a home there, and radiated out of me in the form red lines that echoed into the Earth. The White Lion had given me the strength to reconnect with my own heart and my own truth. A deeply meaningful healing that brought me a feeling of freedom and liberation. Many other group members experienced deep healing, significant break throughs, and visions of their soul destiny.
“Mystery glows in the rose bed and the secret is hidden in the rose,” wrote the twelfth-century Persian alchemist Farid ud-din Attar.
Last Summer I was introduced, through a mutual friend, to a woman named Cindy Leinweber, who was seeking me out because I am a shamanic dreamer, and teach people how to dream consciously. She invited me to come and see her private collection of visionary art paintings. I was really taken in by the cosmic energy I felt coming through the paintings and the energy I felt in my body as I viewed them. Waves of heat were coming from my body. When I returned home afterwards, I felt like I was having some kind of heat stroke, where I could not stop sweating and my body temperature was having trouble regulating itself. Drinking water and laying down for a bit seemed to do the trick eventually.
Shortly after this meeting, the very next day, I was off to New Mexico and had the opportunity to visit with the artist, James Jereb at his studio at Star Dreaming Ranch near Santa Fe, New Mexico, and talk to him about his paintings, and how they have played into his spiritual journey. It was a phenomenal experience filled with synchronicity and mystery. He told me the paintings are portals of esoteric magic and hold great energies of transformation and healing. We talked about Star Portals, and Synchronicity, Travel to Sacred Sites, and Spiritual Awakening. He told me people come to visit these paintings sometimes and pass out from the energies they hold. I said it was sad that people were having these awakening experiences, but they don’t remember them. I told him I can help with that, because I teach people how to wake up and dream. He was very enthused at the prospect of people journeying through the portals of these cosmic paintings consciously, to have their own direct experience.
When I returned from my trip, Cindy invited me to gather a small group of friends at her place, and lead a conscious shamanic group dream journey, through the portal of one of the paintings. While guiding our group, an interesting experience unfolded for me during the drumming.
Three Tears
I immediately felt a physical tear come from my right eye, and then saw three black teardrops flow into the dreaming. I somehow “knew” the 3 tears, were specifically referencing a certain painting. I looked down at my feet and saw a mass of writhing, black snakes. I welcomed their healing power and wisdom. I searched in my mind’s eye for the painting with the three teardrops, but I could not find it anywhere among us. I then found myself stepping through the red portal of life, vibrantly alive like a heartbeat. As I stepped through the red portal, I looked down and saw both of my arms and hands, had turned to gold.
When the journey ended, and I shared my experience of the three teardrops, Cindy told me she has another painting with three teardrops, but it is not at her house. It is located in Baja California!
“Negredo” by James Jareb
She showed me the painting in a photo, and I discovered it was called “Negredo” and the first stage of Alchemy. The painting has 13 red roses, some of which show 3 tears dropping from their petals. I was told the painting was about the dark night of the soul. I understood in my journey, this was true on a collective level for us all at this point and time. On a personal level, it was a time in my life, I had been experiencing many painful losses, and lots of changes over the last three years.
Not long after guiding the portal painting journey, I had this dream.
3 Groups of 3 Red Roses
I am taking the long view in my dream, looking back over important times in my life, where three groups of three red roses showed up as a rights of passage or initiation. Each group of three red roses, were a turning point in my life, and roses played an important part of the story both literally and metaphorically. I am now aware that I am entering the last three roses of my lifespan. I see the first of three, present itself before me. I am looking at a red rose, the same size as me, hovering before me, like a portal into another world.
I was truly taken by this dream, which made me feel as though my life has a hidden design, and I am on the right path, and ready to enter into the mystery of the red rose consciously, as it is large enough to encompass my entire being. I feel the presence of the Goddess in this initiation of the rose, and a deep and abiding love.
I was recently reading a book called “Fate and Destiny” by Mythologist, Michael Meade, and came across an idea he described, which I found both resonate and intriguing. He described what he called “the spirit of the soul” and I had never quite heard it described that way. I decided I wanted to meet the spirit of my soul. I incubated a dream intention, “I want to know the spirit of my soul”.
The Spirit of My Soul
I see a nun wearing a habit, colored in light blue and white. Behind her is a background filled with red blooming roses.
I was wholly shocked in finding this connection to the spirit of my soul, and felt that she must be really disappointed with me, since I had long ago given up following traditional paths of religion. I couldn’t shake this image especially the red roses behind her. I decided to look more deeply into the colors of her habit in baby blue and white. I found it to mean she was devoted to the Marion Mysteries.
The Spirit of the Rose
The Rose has long been showing up for me in dreams, and waking life. When I reflect on my dream of the 3 groups of 3 of roses, in the scope of my lifespan, I began to ask myself, where have roses actually shown up at crucial junctures in my life?
1986 – The Rose Girl (Maiden)
When I was in my mid 20’s, I suddenly lost my job working for a commercial real estate firm, when they declared bankruptcy and closed their doors during the Savings and Loan scandal and recession during the 80’s. I had no notice to prepare my finances, and nothing saved for a rainy day, and so I had to find work where I could, and ended up working as a rose girl, selling roses in bars around Dallas. I made ample money to pay my rent, and that was my goal. One night I had a dream that saved my life.
I dreamed that I was selling roses in a country western bar called “Belle Star” and as I walked past the front door, a man came through and began shooting. I was shot in the neck and fell to the ground dead, surrounded by blood, and roses spread everywhere.
I woke from the dream terrified, and felt I had witnessed my own death. I decided to call in sick to work, afraid I might meet my own death if I went in that night. I was told I had the best route, and I would make lots of money. They did not have time to cover my shift, and if I didn’t come into work, they would fire me. They gave me my shift schedule, and where I would be at what times. When I realized Belle Star was on my route, I knew for sure I could not go to work. My ex-husband at the time, convinced me I was being silly, and it was “just a dream” and plus we needed the money. I decided not to go and listened instead to my dream. I was fired from my job, and my ex-husband shamed me for being so irresponsible. I felt like a loser. The next day, on the front page of the newspaper, was a story of a man who had gone to “Belle Star” that very night, during the time I was scheduled to be there, and shot 3 people. I felt it was incredible, that I had dreamt of a possible future, and been able to avert my own death by taking action based on my dream. I felt there must be a reason I was given this information, and so I began to try and learn everything I could about dreams, and share that with others. It was a fate that set me on the path of eventually becoming a dream teacher.
2002 – Three Tiered Fountain of Roses (Mother)
When I was in my 40’s I was a newly divorced, single mother raising 2 children, and I was trying to start my life a new. I was relatively new as a licensed massage therapist, and began to discover how difficult it was for me to practice, because memories of childhood sexual abuse kept surfacing. I was in the middle of a healing crisis of my own, and not able to fully be there for others. I had begun to volunteer for a non-profit organization that was advocating peace, as we were heading toward war with Iraq. I found that I was a natural at organizing events and fundraising, and I was offered a job there in a new position they had created as Assistant Director. I was not expecting such an opportunity, and so I decided to sleep on it, and see if this position was right for me. In response to my question, “should I take the job?” I had this dream.
I see a three tiered water fountain, with red rose petals floating on each level.
I woke from the dream really surprised by what I saw, but felt it was a very soulful and spiritual image and felt it was a sign I was meant to take the job. I did end up taking the position and soon after, they held an announcement party, to introduce me to the members of the organization as the new Assistant Director. I walked into the old brick building located in East Dallas, and there in the atrium of the building, was a three tiered concrete fountain, with red rose petals floating on each level. I knew I was in the right place, because I it was exactly like my dream.
The Portal of the Rose
So now I stand before the single Red Rose from my dream, about to enter the final path of my destiny, in connection with Mary Magdalene. The mysterious magical paintings are stories which continue to unfold, and clearly have me stepping more deeply into the Alchemy of the Rose.
Cindy and I dreamed into the portal of the Mary Magdalene painting to see what wanted to come through, and she shared with me a vision of a public event she wanted us to organize. I saw it would be at the Bath House basement at on the shores of White Rock Lake, at sunset, and that it would take place as the sun drew a path of golden light across the lake and into the basement of the bath house where the painting would be placed in a small intimate space to resemble a lagoon. The sunlight reflecting on the painting would activate the energies of Mary Magdalene. We set up the space as directed and invited a select group of my students to participate. 30 people arrived for the event, and the sunlight shown on the painting just as I had dreamed. The journey began with my drumming for our group in inviting them to enter through the portal of the painting, or perhaps for Mary Magdalene, to come through to us. I saw the painting light up in gold, and she stepped through the portal into the sacred space we had created together. She walked through the crowd touching the head of each participant with golden light. She then moved out on the path of the golden sun across the lake and activated a portal of energy now held in the lake. We ended the evening watching the sky turn pink and purple and offering prayers of beauty with red rose petals that had been brought to honor Mary Magdalene.
The next day I determined upon reflection that I was doing exactly what was needed. I did not go through the portal, but helped keep it open, and that was what gatekeepers do, keep the space open or close spaces that should not be open. They do not go through them.
At a recent week long Dream Teacher Training with Robert Moss on the East Coast, I kept noticing an ongoing theme. I got there early to the seaside villa where we were all staying and I was making myself at home when I heard an inner prompting telling me to go to the front door. I did, and found a knock at the door and standing before me was Robert Moss pronouncing me as the “Gatekeeper” ! This theme has continued with me over the past 2 weeks, and it seems a path I am now learning to traverse.
My roommate showed up late to the training, and since I only had one set of keys to our room, I had unlock our door to let her in. I once again found myself in the service of being a gatekeeper. After we adjourned from our first nights session, I had the opportunity to reflect on the gatekeeper and what that might be trying to tell me.
I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and began to notice the lights were turning on and off, and then the sink began to look as though it were moving. I quickly removed myself from the space telling my roommate, there was something weird going on in that bathroom! She finished getting ready for bed and closed the bathroom door and it was then I noticed the bathroom door was now locked and it had a bolt lock that could only be locked from the inside.
We were beginning to feel as though there were some poltergeist activity going on in our room. We finally got into bed and were discussing what the dream intention would be for the nights dreaming. I decided mine would be “What does it mean to be a gatekeeper?” I glanced up at the picture on the wall in front of me, and noticed it was a picture of a door on a barn, another portal! It was too much, I decided it was time for bed and so I laid down to sleep. As I lay there with eyes closed, I immediately saw the image of an open portal of green light which had infinite kalpas of swirling Buddhas. The portal was in front of the locked bathroom door which had exhibited the poltergeist activity earlier.
Previously in the evening, a ceremony by my two older brothers had been performed for the release of my fathers ashes over his childhood playground at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado. I was now seeing the portal which was open for my father to cross over. I felt like there was something I needed to do to help him, but I was afraid, and I was feeling the energy of the portal and a pull on my spine as though something was trying to pull me through it. I did not want to go through this portal and kept saying “I am not ready”.
My teacher Robert Moss appeared in my dream and I asked him to help me because I was not ready to go through this portal. He told me that I was at a teacher training and that I would have to do it myself. I said thanks alot! I kept feeling afraid to do anything.
I felt bad that I was not able to go through the portal, or assist whatever was trying to go through.
The next day I determined upon reflection that I was doing exactly what was needed. I did not go through the portal, but helped keep it open, and that was what gatekeepers do, keep the space open or close spaces that should not be open. They do not go through them.
The next day upon reflection, I determined what was needed from me was for me to chant for my fathers passage as part of my Buddhist practice. I decided to meditate and chant as I entered the portal and I could feel my fathers energy move through the portal until finally reaching the other side where his parents and brothers and sisters where waiting who had already crossed over. Everyone was so glad to be reunited. I was glad to see everyone there too, but I was only there on a day pass and it was time for me to return home, back through the portal.
Dream Pathway
The Gatekeeper
May our doors and gates and paths be open,
and may the doors and gates and paths between the worlds,
and may the doors and gates and paths of any who wish
Awaken the Sacred Dream 