On this final Full Moon of 2020, I am taking time to reflect on the dreams of the last decade and those which arrived in 2010. Here are some, and how they took root in my life.
The White Tiger and the Cave of Innocence – Summer Solstice 2010
I am in a dark cave where the light of my soul hovers above dark waters. I see a white tiger emerge from the mountain and sit beside the water looking into the darkness. The water surface is covered with what looks like oil, and a creature crawls out covered with the black tar. The tiger looks at the creature covered in oil and wants nothing to do with it. She turns her head away. The White Tiger jumps into the water, its white fur contrasting with the deep darkness is amazing to see. The tiger swims through the dark waters and reaches a place of murky astral waters where many spirits are floating. The water begins to clear as the tiger swims further out to sea and into the clear waters. She emerges on another shore with a rope in her mouth and she is pulling a boat. Inside the boat is a royal looking woman with maroon colored clothing and gold trim, and wearing a regal shaped head dress, a man sits behind her wearing dark blue clothing with gold trim. On the shore is a small girl of about 7 who runs toward the boat to meet the visitors. I am now back inside the cave again, where the black covered creature is still lying inside the cave. The White Tiger begins to wash the creature and reveals it to be the small girl seen previously running to greet us on the beach. The child lays in the arms of the white tiger as she is lovingly cleaned, nurtured and protected.
I was sent photos the next day by a teacher, revealing the two people I saw in my dream. My teacher was at a ceremony in the Altai Mountains in Kirgizstan, where many shamans had gathered from places around the globe. The woman in my dream, and in the photo was an Altai elder. She later revealed when she lit the ceremonial fire, she saw the spirit of a small girl released.
This dream confirms for me the cross cultural nature of dreams, and the ability to transcend borders and bilocate to another physical location. I have seen this occur in my dreams and shamanic journeys many times over the past decade, and continue to learn how to bring forth my healing gifts in service to others and the planet.
Bringing Up the Bones 9-11-2010
A wealthy, older white man wearing a burgundy and gold smoking jacket, will host a social gathering at his private residence. He escorts me into his office, which is in disarray. There is a beautiful old Asian desk made of antique bamboo. I am walking around in his space looking at how to organize it, and I walk over the top of the desk in my bare feet. I am wondering if he really wants this desk, he obviously is not using it, and I really like the way it feels under my bare feet. I am thinking about asking him if I can have it, although I already have a new desk. I really like this one, it is very ancient and regal. I hop down from the desk not saying anything, thinking if I am meant to have it, it will come. The wealthy owner takes me outside and we arrive at his private home. There is an Asian woman who lives there with him. She greets me, leaving the door open as we enter the house. Suddenly, there is a commotion while some kind of creature escapes through the front door. I am thinking it is a family pet like maybe a cat, but when I look more closely, I see what appears to be a bat or maybe even a phoenix. I can’t quite make it out. It moves very fast, and has such unusual energy. There are many birds flying after it that look like doves. The wealthy man and the Asian woman move quickly and immediately fly out the door after the creature.
I am left standing in the house and I walk outside to see there is a lake, and a boardwalk by the sea. I am looking at the water and am now joined by two shamanic teachers. One tells me there are bones at the bottom of the sea, and that the bones are my ancestors, and they are Buryat. I am told this is the line of shamanism which I am connected through my ancestors. We must awaken the bones, and bring them to the surface. I can see in my minds eye the bottom of the ocean, and the sediment of salt and minerals that make up the bones of the ancestors. As we focus on raising the bones of my ancestors, I can see a white circle forming on top of the lake. Nearby huge waves are rising from the ocean. The more we focus on raising the ancestors, the more the waves become very high and come crashing down on the boardwalk. The energy I am raising is through my ancestors, and my teachers are helping me.
A week after having this dream, a Turkish friend in Istanbul sent me a photo of a white circles floating on water. They were reported being seen appearing in different places, and no one knows what they are, or why they are showing up.
When I saw her picture I almost fell out of my chair because it looked just like the circles in my dream, that were from the bones of my ancestors. I have been very focused on honoring the ancestors and working with their energy over the past decade. I am also called to assist others in reconnecting them with their ancestral gifts and lineages, and bringing forth their collective energy for wisdom and healing.
Faery Joy 11-14-2010
I dreamt of hearing strange beautiful music and seeing lovely faeries with white lilies and orchids, with yellow and orange sunlight, feeling complete joy and beauty.
The otherworld is a place like home for me, a place of joy and beauty, wisdom and healing. The good folk are my other than human relatives, and my connections there have continued to grow. I was fortunate to visit Ireland in 2018 and 2019, guided and invited by my dreams, where I met up with my Faery Kin.
Persephone Planting Her Seeds 12-20-2010
I dreamt of an encounter with the Goddess Persephone. She offered me a Pomegranate which she held in her hands and told me. “If you never open the Pomegranate, you can not plant the seed and the tree will never grow.” She then took a single seed from the open Pomegranate and planted it from which a beautiful tree grew tall, full and strong like magic.
This dream planted many seeds for me, including continuing to grow my connections with Persephone. I began offering monthly Women’s Dreaming Groups on the Full Moon, and later facilitated biannual Women’s Retreats over the past 7 years. I went on to become involved in Women’s activism and organized several International Women’s Summits, including one in Sarajevo in 2019 with the Kolo Women’s Cross Cultural Collaboration, where I was Executive Director for 5 years. Part of our work involved trauma informed care and training, and collaborating with the MMIWTX for No More Stolen Sisters!
As this decade comes to a close and another begins to open, I will keep my dreams focused on what seeds wish to be planted at the New Moon of 2021 for the coming year and decade. I have some Moon Flower Seeds ready.
I wrote a previous blog post, about Persephone and her journey into the underworld. It was inspired both by the Winter Solstice, and a dream I had of a visit from Persephone herself. I wrote the following poem in honor of the dream. Happy Winter Solstice!
In a dream from just the other night, I encountered the Goddess Persephone. She offered me a Pomegranate which she held in her hands and told me. “If you never open the Pomegranate you can not plant the seed and the tree will never grow.” She then took a single seed from the open Pomegranate and planted it from which a beautiful tree grew tall, full and strong like magic. EOD
This dream is rich with meaning and nourishment as is the Pomegranate. In this time of the year as we edge toward the winter solstice and the turning of the wheel from the harvest of Autumn to the cold dark days of Winter, it is the season when Persephone makes her journey into the darkness of the underworld. She will make her ascent and return during the season of spring when all things come to life and begin to grow once again.
During the season of Winter and the descent into the darkness of the underworld, there are opportunities for growth to come from within. This call from Persephone to break open the hard shell which surrounds the deep juicy fruits inside is a kind of death of the protective hard shell and an opening of the heart and soul. The seeds planted will grow to provide more fruits and opportunities for growth, as well as a path to travel in dreams toward the upper realms.
In the Myth of Persephone’s abduction by Hade’s into the underworld her Mother Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest, is devastated by the loss of her maiden daughter. She searches the earth for her daughter and becomes forlorn by her loss and refuses to bring the sun to grow anything upon the earth. Finally, her father Zeus is persuaded to bring his daughter back from the depths of the underworld where she sits as queen alongside Hades over the souls of the dead.
Zeus sends Hermes to go and bring her back but before he is able to do so Persephone eats the seeds of the pomegranate and is destined by the fates to stay in the underworld. Hermes manages to negotiate a time settlement where she is able to serve part of her time on earth but must return for a portion of the time to reign as queen of the underworld alongside Hades. It is agreed, and Hermes returns her to her awaiting mother goddess Demeter, bringing the return of spring and the end of winter.
The Winter Solstice honors the descent into the longest night of the year and celebrates the hope of renewal and the return of the Sun as is portrayed in the myth of Persephone. This year the Winter Solstice will shine under the light of the full moon and also be brought in with a lunar eclipse that will at its apex appear like a giant pomegranate in the sky. In the spirit of Persephone, I honor this time of year with remembering loved ones who have passed into the realm of the underworld where Persephone sits as Queen. I will celebrate the hope of the return of the light, just as Hermes served as guide to Persephone to help her return to bring about the season of planting seeds. Before the return though, the winter season of breaking open is upon us , an opening to bring about change and transformation and growth. May your Winter Solstice be juicy and heartfelt!
In the Fall of 2007 , I was given the news that my Father has cancer. He had stage four lung cancer with a large inoperable tumor, and he is 83 years old. Death is inevitable for each of us, and so the news of my father’s illness brought me closer to the portal of death. It also brought a pain so deep within me I was doubled over as if a knife were piercing my soul. I was feeling pulled deeper into the darkness and pain of these events as if my soul were being pulled down into the underworld. My father had recently given all of his things away and moved in with his Sister in El Paso, Texas. The borderlands, El Paso means “the Pass” and these are lands where the ancient Aztec territory had once reached and ancient petroglyphs of Quetzalcoatl can still be found in the Hueco Tanks area. One night I surrendered to the pull that I felt in my soul, and I said a prayer for a dream for my fathers’ protection and healing. In response to my prayer, I had this dream;
The Call of Quetzalcoatl
I see an Aztec Mandala as a large circular structure built with Aztec Codex tiles. Each tile is connected to a person’s life and there is a tile for each individual soul. I see a spirit presence there who is the guardian of this place, which is a portal to cross into the other world. The first panel I was shown is connected to me and my life. I stepped on the panel with my awareness, and it lit up with golden light and the God Quetzalcoatl, the flying serpent came to life and flew away. Then this gatekeeper guardian spirit told me he was directing my father’s death. He told me my father would be going into the underworld when he passes.
I see a friend with me in my dream and she stays on the perimeter of the circular space that makes up this portal. She is talking with this spirit and he gives her a very large ruby that he takes out of the side of the earth that is the wall of the perimeter. It seems to be some kind of cave maybe or part of a temple or a pyramid. Another part of my dream is showing me another layer where the Aztec Codex tiles are floating up in space like an Aztec temple but on the etheric realm. The spirit offers a simple bowl and sets it on a tile and the bowl flips over to the other side and it disappears immediately. This is a place where offerings are made to the ancestors or spirit realm. I am given the information that if I put my hand on one of those tiles it would disappear just like the bowl. Instead I take out some Milagros which means “miracles” they are small metal medallions in different forms such as a hand or head or a house offered as prayers of healing and protection. The Milagro prayers are received, but they don’t disappear. It shows me the importance of making offerings of prayers in Milagros or tobacco or sage to be received in the spirit realm. The prayers for assistance offers an opportunity for the ancestral spirits to be of service from the other side. – End of Dream
I shared this dream with my friend who had appeared in my dream. She has Mayan Ancestry and speaks Spanish and I told her I felt I needed to go to the Pyramids in Mexico and make prayer offerings for healing. I asked if she would accompany me as my translator since I did not speak Spanish and also since she was one of the people in my dream with me. The next day, we were flying to meet in Mexico City on a quest to the Pyramids in Teotihuacan to explore my dream healing ceremony. We stayed very near the Pyramids where there was a small village, my friend felt she wanted to explore the village nearby that evening in search of a Toltec Elder who might know how we could participate in the annual ceremony of the Aztec Moon Dance. She asked several people in the village if they knew anyone who might help, and finally we were directed to a house where a Toltec Medicine Man lived. We knocked on the door and spoke with a delightful young woman, a cousin who explained he was not there but he could give us a tour of the pyramids in the morning if we came back then. She also explained we would not be able to participate in the Aztec Moon Dance without a written letter of referral, which had to be submitted in advance. She let us know the Moon Dance would be taking place the next day in Mexico City. We left and returned to our hotel for the evening with a plan to return in the morning. It did not look promising for us to participate in the Moon Dance from what this woman had told us, but I left it up to spirit to decide. My sights were set on doing ceremony and making offerings to the ancestors in the territory I believed I had seen in my dream, the Pyramids of the Sun and the Moon and the Temple of Quetzalcoatl in Teotihuacan.
Before retiring for the night, I realized we were actually sleeping on sacred grounds with ruins on the property located walking distance to the Pyramids. I made the intention for a dream of assistance for the quest we would embark on the next day. My dreaming was difficult and disrupted, I awoke in the middle of the night with a feeling that chilled me to the bone. It was as cold as death in our room and I could not get warm no matter how many blankets I piled on me. I looked at my companion and she slept peacefully without any signs of discomfort.
Over breakfast the next morning, I described my lack of sleep and dreams to my friend and we determined she would go and seek out the Medicine Man we believed lived in the nearby village while I waited at the hotel. She would then bring him to the hotel for me to meet him and I could tell him my dream. She returned with his wife who spoke some English and I told her with the help of my translator of the dream of Quetzalcoatl that had brought me before her. I spoke of the need to offer prayers for my father. She understood immediately and went to retrieve her husband. Upon our meeting I felt as though my dream was opening up and I was falling back into my dream. I recognized the man standing before me as the guardian spirit I had seen in my dream. This Medicine Man is the keeper of the Staff of Quetzalcoatl and the guardian of this sacred place for his people. He offered to do ceremony at the pyramids with us and asked us both to accompany him and his wife as his guests to participate in the Moon Dance in Mexico City later that day.
Before we entered the sacred grounds of the pyramids, the Medicine Man and his wife offered me colorful stones as offerings of healing for my father and myself. They explained to me that it was through my own healing that these healing energies would be made available to my family. They also gave my traveling companion a stone that was the color of a red ruby, we both looked at one another with a knowing grin understanding this was actualizing a part of the dream. We were on the path of my dream and together we went to the pyramids and offered prayers with traditional Copal and also Sage which I had brought and offered out of respect and gratitude. It is the traditional way as I had been taught in my past years of study practicing ceremony with my teacher, a Lakota Sioux Medicine Man known as Ten Bears. The teacher before me now was an Aztec Medicine Man and he was young as was his wife, and they had nothing but smiles and concern for my well being on my healing journey with them.
We offered the prayers without the flame to burn the sacred herbs as the traditional ceremony would be done. The four of us stood in each of the four directions offering prayers in Nagual the language of the Toltec people. It was sad for me to see the indigenous peoples living in this area on the land of their ancestors forbidden by the government to practice their rituals with an open fire and so the ceremony we did was without flame. After we made prayers, we went to the temple of Quetzalcoatl to open a portal of healing energy. We climbed the steps of the temple in a zig zag serpentine fashion to connect with the energy of the feathered serpent. When we reached the top, the guardian of this portal spoke the sacred prayers and told us to concentrate our energy and open up to the power of Quetzalcoatl. We stood looking down on the ancient carved serpents that covered the temple holding our hands out over the temple breathing in the energy. I could see in my minds eye a V shaped opening occur where golden light poured fourth and then two giant golden serpent eyes were staring back at me. The energy of the feathered serpent had been released and it had made contact with me. I could still feel the energy coursing through my body as we made our way down the many steps of the temple back toward the earth in a serpentine direction.
Our next destination would be the underground ruins of the Jaguar Palace. I followed my guide as he lead me to the ancient ruins and found myself in the territory of my dream. Inside the underground palace, we were led to a location that had once been a waterfall. It was obvious where the water had once run down where the sides of the earth where smooth. I was directed to stand underneath it, as if the water were flowing today. I leaned my face and body up against the earthen wall under the barren water fall, and I could imagine the once plentiful waters flowing over me washing away all of the wounds of my past. I stood taking in this energy for a long time until I felt my spirit replenished, the water was long gone, but the healing energies of it remained and I was grateful to be in this amazing place. We then went deeper inside the underground ruins known as the Jaguar Palace and I was shown what seemed to be a covering over some kind of opening. When the covering was removed it revealed a dark hole that went deep down inside the earth. My guide pointed down into it as if he wanted me to enter this portal. I looked at him like he was crazy and exclaimed, I am not going inside that! It was so deep and dark you could not see the end! He laughed and had me place my hands hovering over the opening and told me to draw the energy of Mother Earth up into my hands and through my being. I stood positioned over what was an ancient well that lead deep inside the earth and drew from the healing energy of Mother Earth.
I was feeling lighter with each step along the way of our journey and now it was time for us to travel to Mexico City. My companion and I had decided we would accompany our Medicine guides to participate in the Ancient ceremony of the Aztec Moon Dance as their guests. I was profoundly grateful to them for their generous spirit, and all the love and support they had shown me and my friend. It was here in the Moon Dance Ceremony that I was able to make my prayer offerings for my father. I had brought the Milagros with me, and put the stones that I had been given in a small bag that I carried with me. I danced with the bag during the ceremony, and I was amazed at all of the colorful costumes and the many different people from across the region who arrived for the dance. The Medicine Man and his wife who accompanied us, wore the costume of the black jaguar while his wife was dressed in the beautiful flowing colors of water. I did not come prepared with a costume for the dance, however my friend provided me with a headdress of colorful parrot feathers that she and I wore during the dance. The dance began around 2:00 in the afternoon and it went on until the Sun was down around 8:00 we danced the entire time without taking a break on concrete in the middle of the busy square in Mexico City. There were different Aztec tribes there from across the region and well over 50 dancers who participated. I was accepted as one of the tribe as if I had been there my whole life without hesitation or question. The Moon Dance was so hypnotic and yet I felt so completely alive with the sounds and smells and the movement of the dance. I thought my body would collapse in the waning hours of the dance. I could feel the energy of the dance take over and I was no longer one person struggling against the difficulty of my physical challenges but surrendered to the dance and became one with the movement of a whole community. The energy of us dancing together as one took me and lifted my exhaustion away. I felt lifted ever higher by the energy of this Sacred Moon Dance and I knew my dance was a prayer that was offered to the ancestors of this sacred place.
When the final words of the closing ceremony had been spoken, we all gathered in the square to join in a sumptuous meal of chicken mole, beans and rice with even a shot of Agave Tequila to take the edge off tired muscles. The night wore on as it was getting late and I was ready to return to my hotel to rest and asked our guides to please escort us back home. They had other plans however the ceremony and the night was not yet over! They insisted that we accompany them back to their village to join in a small group of people to do a temascales purification sweat ceremony. They insisted this was a crucial part of the day of ceremony. They had both shown such tremendous concern for my well being all along the way in the course of our journey always checking in to see how I was feeling, and if they insisted on this final step I had to trust them. We arrived at the temascales where the rocks to heat the lodge had already been well heated in a ceremonial fire and everything was prepared. I was given a simple white cotton gown to wear in the lodge. Special herbs were burned over the hot rocks and then poured with water to release the steam. In the lodge we sang songs and prayed deep in the night and into the early morning. Several of those who shared the sweat lodge with me that night kept complaining about it being cold inside the lodge. The Medicine Man whom I had come to love and trust, let everyone know the reason they felt cold was because they were experiencing the trauma they held in their body. This rang a bell for me, that must have been what I experienced in my dreaming the night before when I woke up freezing and was unable to get warm. The Medicine Man checked with me to see if I was cold, I shook my head no. He gave me a warm and knowing smile shaking is head in agreement. The healing was complete. Now I knew I had received healing through the day of ceremony and ritual. I was the only one in the lodge who was not cold.
We then finished the healing lodge and prepared to leave. I gave a donation for the services of creating the space for the lodge and I offered my faithful guides money for the healing I had received. They thoughtfully declined, knowing I was called to them by the dream and through spirit, and it was their honor to be of service. These were indeed people of beauty and faith and love and integrity. They had helped me find the miracles I came searching to find. Now I could take this energy home with me and share it with my loved ones. It was hard to say goodbye to these special people that the dream had answered in response to my prayer but I knew this was a place and a people to whom I would someday return.
My father later died peacefully surrounded by family and I feel strongly that through the dreams and ceremony and sacred dance and prayers offered a pathway that was prepared for him to travel into the afterlife. The day he passed my daughter had this beautiful dream of his death.
The Butterfly Tree
I see an old two story house with a front porch and grandpa is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair. The family is gathered around and everyone is coming up to speak with him and tell him goodbye. My mom and I go and speak with him and say our goodbyes. We see a butterfly land on his shoulder and then he dies. A tree in the backyard holds many butterflies who now flow around him, as they do he begins to transform from his older self to his younger self of about 40 years old. He looks happy and peaceful. End of Dream
There are stories about butterflies in Mexico that the return of the butterflies each year during the migration are the souls of departed ancestors coming to visit. The Butterfly Tree is a migration of the soul and the end of the journey we call life.